Media News:

NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton. NBC also hired Jenna Bush for the Today Show and Meghan McCain for MSNBC. The network has a strict hiring policy that if daddy loses, you have to do cable

Science News:

Meteorologist are reporting that La Niña has now returned. Oh great! Now we have to put away all of our El Niño gear and remember where we put all of our out the La Niña stuff.

Celebrity News:

A woman is suing Gary Busey for drunkenly tackling her at an airport. When asked why he got drunk and tackled a perfect stranger, Busey was like, “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

Energy News:

Energy Secretary Stephen Chu told Congress that he thought it was a good idea to lend $535 million of our tax dollars to the solar panel company Solyndra right before they went bankrupt. If he had taken all of that money, put it in a big pile and set it on fire, it would have produced more energy than Solyndra!

California News:

L.A. Sheriff re-opened Natalie Wood's death case implicating Robert Wagner. It is hurting his endorsements. Nobody is going to get a reverse mortgage from Wagner if it is going to put them underwater.

Pentagon News:

The military has a new flying super-bomb that can land anywhere in the world within one hour. Herman Cain said that if it doesn't get there within thirty minutes, then the second bomb should be free.

Cain Update:

Last week in New Hampshire, Herman Cain said that presidents don't need to know every detail of every country in the world and he said he is going to take that message across America to all 30 states.

Hollywood News:

The the latest installment of "Twilight" is a huge box office success. Actually, we find it quite  refreshing to finally see a story about wolves and teen pregnancy that doesn't involve the Palins.

China News:

The latest fashion trend in Hong Kong is eyeglasses without any lenses in them. They say they make you feel intelligent, even though they are totally useless. Kind of like the congressional super committee.

Numerology News:

Last Friday was 11-11-11. Or as Rick Perry calls it: “11-11-Wait don't tell me, I will get this….. I know there is a third one.”

Editorial:

Personally, we hope Rick Perry and Michelle Bachman stay in the presidential  campaign. We need both of them because we don't want to spend all next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.

Law News:

A U.S. district court judge ruled that tobacco companies cannot be required to put gruesome graphic images on cigarette packages. Tobacco companies said they prefer the simpler, “Smoke Responsibly.”

Pentagon News:

Officials announced that they are developing new remote control mini helicopters. The mini helicopters will be capable of delivering eenie-weenie, itsy-bitsy tactical nuclear weapon.

Cain Update:

Herman Cain now says God persuaded him to run for president…Right after he promised to drop His support for Perry, Bachmann, Santorum, Romney and Gingrich.

Reminder:

There will always be new Nixon tapes.